


A Better, More Positive Earth

by hexmaniacchoco



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Inspired By Tumblr, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Sort Of, Team Free Will 2.0, at least!, mention of female-presenting nipples, oh boy maybe I should make this explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17103542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hexmaniacchoco/pseuds/hexmaniacchoco
Summary: When an announcement is made that Earth will be subject to strict new policies intended to make it a better place for people by restricting adult content, it's up to Team Free Will to try and save their planet once again.





	A Better, More Positive Earth

**December 3rd, 2018**  
  
    It was 10:37 p.m. when the announcement happened. Everyone thought it was a joke at first, like what was intended the first time War of the Worlds was broadcast on live radio; in fact, that’s where this one was made. Sam was in the library doing some research with some quiet music playing from the radio in the background, and didn’t even actually notice at first when the music changed to something speaking. It was Cas who brought his attention to it when he suddenly burst into the room with an urgent “Sam!”, then wasting no time waiting for Sam’s reply before running to the radio and cranking the volume up. A friendly robotic voice echoed around the room.  
  
“--have been hard at work laying the foundation for a better, more positive Earth. We’ve realized that in order to continue to fulfill our mission and role in the universe, especially as it evolves, changes must be made. Some of that change has already begun in the form of our agents stationed on your planet attempting to foster purer communities by asserting the correct opinions on what is or is not problematic and whom should take responsibility for whom. Today we would like to announce our next step, publicly, so as not to create undue panic amongst Earth’s populations.”  
  
“Starting on December 17th, we will begin to enforce new policies on restricting adult content in order to keep the Earth youth safe and to encourage Earth to strive to better itself for the sake of our intergalactic community. All that which does not fit into this new and pure community will be not be allowed, and those involved with them will be notified in advance of steps they can take to preserve themselves outside the community. We wish to be as transparent as possible with this, so we’ve created a program which will, at the conclusion of this broadcast, create a holographic red flag on everything that will be deemed inappropriate at the start of this policy. Like you, we love Earth and value its place in this shared universe, which is why we must intervene. We are doing this out of love, and out of hope to see Earth in better standing with the community. There may be some errors, especially in the beginning of the process, but we are determined to make your galactic experience a more positive one. Please standby for flagging program activation.”  
  
There was a buzz of static, and then a flurry of confusion from the radio hosts as they apologized for whoever hijacked their station to play that. Sam and Cas stared at each other, Sam in vexation and Cas in plain concern.  
  
“So I’m guessing that wasn’t just a prank…” Sam finally stated, turning to look back at the radio as the hosts now discussed confirmations of this broadcast having occurred on every radio station on the planet simultaneously. In answer, they heard Dean shouting about little red flags appearing out of nowhere. Shortly after, he too joined them in the library where Sam filled him in on the situation.  
  
“So what--is this going to be like a broadscale version of that crazy church town back during the apocalypse?” Dean asked. Cas shrugged.  
  
“They were unclear about that,” he answered.  
  
Dean let out an exasperated sigh. “So what are we fighting this time? This some new angel BS or some other interdimensional thing?”  
  
Sam stared at him with the face of someone whose beliefs were shaken, but who was also not as surprised as they should be. “They said ‘intergalactic’, Dean… I think… I think they’re…”  
  
Dean dragged a hand down his face. “Don’t even say it Sam.”  
  
“They’re…”  
  
“Sam I said **don’t.** _They don’t exist._ This is something-- _anything_ else in the universe, except for--”  
  
“Aliens,” Cas stated firmly. “This is undoubtedly the work of an extraterrestrial species.”  
  
While Dean argued in vain with Cas about the existence of aliens, Sam’s phone pinged. He picked it up and opened the new notification waiting for him. It was a notice regarding the mentioned policy, explaining what sorts of things would be deemed too explicit and what steps could be taken to address perceived errors.  
  
“So get this,” Sam started, eyes still glued to his screen. Dean threw his hands up in the air in a final act of defiance before he and Cas gave their attention to the tallest Winchester. “They call themselves the ‘Erovniz’ and--”  
  
A small red flag appeared above Sam’s phone. “Wait what?” he said, caught off guard. “This is their own notice! What about it is--”  
  
“It’s the ‘ero’ Sam,” Dean said knowingly. They left it at that with nothing more than a cocked eyebrow from Sam and a side glance from Cas, and then Sam continued summarizing.  
  
“Uh, ok then. So they call themselves the ‘Erovniz’ and I guess they consider themselves something like the universe’s moral police. They go from planet to planet making sure no sector of any galaxy becomes too immoral.”  
  
“Why come now?” Cas asked. “Humans and angels stationed here alike have taken immoral actions since the Garden fell.”  
  
Sam was in thought at that. “Yeah-- I mean, so-called ‘adult content’ isn’t ‘allowed’ anymore, and yet we still have all sorts of actual problems in the world, like the destruction of environments for monetary profit, and human rights violations, and, y’know… _wars_. And none of that is considered immoral?”  
  
Cas moved closer, standing just behind Sam in order to read the notice over his shoulder. He squinted as he read through it. “What’s a ‘female-presenting nipple'…?” he finally asked. Dean and Sam burst into laughter at that for how dumb it sounded. It was then that Jack finally showed up, having gotten back from a grocery run.  
  
“You know, when I said I wanted to be able to do things on my own, I didn’t mean your chores! And what’s with all these things appearing everywhere?”  
  
Sam, Cas, and Dean looked at each other.  
  
“You mean…” Cas said, “There are flags appearing on our _groceries_ …?”  
  
Jack held up a bag of take-n-bake artisanal dinner rolls. A small red flag hovered above each one.  
  
“But… that’s not even… that’s just _bread_ ,” Sam sputtered.  
  
“Perhaps it’s because the partially baked dough resembles one of the human skin tones,” Cas mused. Realization dawned on Dean’s face upon hearing this, and with a quiet “shit”, he ran out of the room. Presumably towards his own room.  
  
Cas spoke as he watched Dean run out of sight down the hall.  
  
“I suppose we better start looking into what we can do to stop this.”  


* * *

  
As the days went on, little progress was made toward the ends of preventing the Erovniz from putting into effect their vague policies to make the universe safe for work. Despite the self-claimed efforts of the mysterious alien group, panic did in fact ensue on Earth. It wasn’t the rampant chaos suggested in many a sci-fi movie; there were some who were raring to loot, and loot though they tried, the police made quick work of them. Somehow, perhaps because of the broadcast’s polite tone or perhaps because of a sense of futility, many simply carried on with their day. Instead, the panic dominated discussions and naturally many took place on the internet, where pictures of all sorts of regular things not on the list being flagged abounded. Many found it simultaneously hilarious and concerning that the Erovniz’s own name was flagged wherever it appeared. There were a myriad of articles discussing what to do if anything should disappear and how to work around it, especially in light of the worrisome lack of response to flagging error reports made via the space group’s own directions. It was a calm panic, in other words.  
  
Dean, Sam, Cas, and Jack meanwhile poured tireless efforts into figuring out what to do about the Erovniz while also maintaining their typical hunting jobs. No one had any ideas so far. The angels still were unable to leave Heaven for the time being, and the demons simply weren’t organized enough. Rowena was working with them as well, but making the same amount of headway--that is to say, none at all. The day was almost upon them, and with more and more things getting flagged and even a few people rumored to have gone missing, spirits were low. With a lack of any other feasible plan, Dean made an otherwise simple suggestion.  
  
“I say we just fight ‘em.”  
  
Sam looked up from his book. “What?”  
  
“We fight ‘em. Get Crowley to zap us up onto the ship and later he can zap us back to Earth, and we can just Independence Day this whole thing.”  
  
“Preferably without anyone sacrificing themselves to do so,” Cas added.  
  
Dean laughed, a little dark. “You’re one to talk.” He prepared for the onslaught of criticism of the idea, but instead Sam’s answer surprised him.  
  
“Yeah. Sure. Let’s do it.”  
  
“I know it’s going to be dangerous Sam, so-- Wait. What?”  
  
Sam closed his book with a sigh. “What other plan do we have at this point? I mean we have to do _something_. And right now, the only something anyone has come up with is your plan, Dean.”  
  
Jack, who had been eagerly listening since hearing Dean’s suggestion, spoke up with excitement. “Wait, so we’re really going to fight _aliens_? In _space_?” Dean nodded, Jack’s enthusiasm becoming contagious. With that, they set to creating a plan of action.

* * *

  
**December 16th, 2018, 11:00 p.m.**  
  
With just an hour to spare, the plan was a go and Crowley teleported everyone up to the the Erovnizian ship hovering just above the Earth. They made it aboard with nary an alarm sounded, and they got to work.  
  
Dean, Crowley, and Cas searched for the leader,  while Sam and Rowena and Jack headed for the control room. No one knew anything at all about the ship’s layout, so a fair amount of exploration and close encounters was expected. It took more than half the hour, but eventually each group reached their target location. That’s where things started to go wrong.  
  
The control room was beyond even Sam’s understanding, and unfortunately it was exceptionally resistant to magic of all forms. There was no one anywhere on board, as it turned out the entire ship was automated, so they couldn’t capture anyone and make them change anything--not that they’d be able to tell the difference if the alien decided to sabotage their sabotage. The lack of personnel also meant Crowley, Cas, and Dean’s search was fruitless. They two groups met up, with the respective rooms they were in turning out to be near each other, and set up the spell to blow the entire ship up. It was the solution they left as their last resort because they couldn’t be sure it wouldn’t incite any future problems. But since delaying the “policy changes” and trying to find and reason with the aliens wasn’t going to pan out, it became their only option if they were to save the Earth from its impending “kid-friendly” fate.  
  
When there was just 10 minutes left, the spell preparations were complete and Crowley teleported them back to Earth. Rowena activated it, and in a moment there was a bright flash of light in the sky, followed by a gust of wind produced from the shockwave. Everyone cheered, and Dean went to get some good liquor to celebrate with. It was almost like an early New Year’s Eve, the way they waited for midnight to bring in another normal, flagless day. Which… when they thought about it, none of the flags had actually gone away.  
  
“But we destroyed their ship…” Jack said in disbelief. Crowley took a long drink from his glass of good scotch.  
  
The clock struck midnight, and everyone in the room couldn’t help but flinch as all the flags disappeared as quickly as they’d appeared. They all looked around at each, but nothing seemed to be different.  
  
“I’m gonna hit the men’s room and make sure I’m not suddenly a Ken doll,” Dean muttered as he got up from the table. Sam lifted a glass in his direction as he left the room in hopeful solidarity.  
  
“Bollocks,” was all Crowley said before taking another drink.  
  
“I’ll drink to that,” Rowena replied.  
  
“Me too,” Jack agreed, lifting his glass of apple juice towards them both. Cas remained silent, but jumped up when Dean could be heard shouting swears from down the hall. Before long, he came running back into the room, his face white.  
  
“What happened Dean?” Cas asked with great concern. “Are you a Ken doll now? Whatever… Whatever that means?” Crowley chuckled at that, but his face fell at Dean’s look of “You have the same fate as me”.  
  
Dean took a breath before finally coughing and managing to say, “It’s… it’s blurry.”  
  
Sam was taken aback. “Blurry? Dean, what do you mean blurry? What’s blurry?”  
  
“You know! It! It’s blurry, Sam!” Dean snapped, panic ringing clear in his voice. “And I don’t think I’m the only one, so you all better go check yourselves out.” Immediately everyone in the room went towards the bathroom with the exception of Jack and Cas who stood there looking very confused.  
  
“But Dean, nothing’s disappeared. _You_ haven’t disappeared. So isn’t some part of you being blurry more like a minor setback than the catastrophe you made it sound like?” Cas asked him in an attempt to calm him down.  
  
Dean sighed. “I guess… But Cas! This just _doesn’t feel right!_ ” he complained. Cas gave him a sympathetic look before grabbing the liquor bottle and tipping it towards him in a gesture asking if he’d like him to pour him another glass. At that moment, the others returned to the room, each with sullen faces.  
  
“I don’t like this, Dean,” Sam said. Before Dean could reply, Crowley gestured to a spot by the wall.  
  
“Well boys, it’s been awful, as usual. But my right hand man is here and says there’s important problems to attend to, so I’m afraid I’ll have to--”  
  
“Crowley if you want to leave you don’t have to make poor and obvious excuses,” Cas interrupted in irritation. Crowley looked offended at the accusation, and looked from the all to Cas and back at the wall.  
  
“Have you lost your mind, Castiel?” he asked.  
  
Sam chuckled, “I think maybe he just drank too much, Cas, and he’s seeing things now.” Crowley too great offense at that, and huffed. He was about to make a scathing remark to Sam when he turned suddenly toward the wall, his eyes narrowed.  
  
“What do you mean ‘Who am I talking to?’ I’m taLKING TO THE BLOODY WINCHESTERS AND MY MOTHER!” he yelled in typical fashion. The mentioned group looked between each other uncomfortably.  
  
“You know Crowley, if you want to just crash here for the night, that’s fine with us. I don’t know how bad teleporting under the influence is but it’s probably not the best idea,” Dean offered, barely hiding his snicker. Crowley’s face was bright red in both anger and embarrassment. He glared at them all.  
  
“So you can’t see him, and he can’t see any of you except the half human half angel puppy. I don’t know what this means, but I have a feeling it’s related to the problems he’s--” he paused, listening in the direction of the wall again. “No, it seems that _is_ the problem in Hell right now. Half of everyone claims various demons have disappeared, while still others insist they haven’t but a different lot has. If you’ll excuse me, this is something I have to look into,” he seethed, and then in an instant he was gone.  
  
Sam quickly pulled out his phone and looked up recent news articles. After a few moments he blanched, and the others gathered around his phone to see what he was reading. From what it seemed, a similar situation as Crowley had described was occurring around the world. People were making claims that it felt like at least half of everyone had disappeared, but no one could agree on who disappeared. It was if groups of people were no longer able to interact with random assortments of others. There still had been and continued to be no response to any error reports made according to the directions issued at the start of the month. Sam sat down, still staring at his phone, as more articles were posted informing people about plans to colonize new planets or to find some way to convince the unwelcome space agency to undo everything. The music that had been playing on the radio had cut to the same friendly robotic voice from before.  
  
“A few weeks ago we announced our new policy regarding the betterment of your planet by making it a safer place for everyone. We apologize that it has not been the easy transition we intended. We appreciate your patience while we work out the bugs in this, and for your understanding that it was very important to address this matter quickly, and so therefore we did not have the time to test the particular workings of something that affects billions of things and people.. Today our policy has begun taking effect, and we wish to stress that **none of your people have gone missing**. Those deemed to be in violation of our policy were simply hidden from public view.”  
  
“For those things and people which were flagged in error, we understand that it is an unfortunate inconvenience. We ask for your assistance in identifying things incorrectly hidden. As we’ve said before, as long as you follow the directions we’ve previously given you to report this issues, someone will assist you shortly in correcting them if they are deemed truly erroneous. We love Earth, and for that reason we will continue as planned with this new policy. This planet has always been a reflection of the unique communities that thrive in the universe. We hope you continue to help us shape our intergalactic community into one we want it to be.”  
  
When the broadcast cut off, there was a brief silence over the air, and then the host announced a song they felt was fitting for the moment to play. As the five of them sat there, a familiar guitar riff filled the room. As the bass picked up, Dean got up to pour everyone more drinks. The lyrics began just as he finished pouring them.  
  
_//We all came out to Montreux, on the Lake Geneva Shoreline… //_  
_//To make records with a mobile... We didn’t have much time//_  
  
“Why was I not visible to Crowley’s demon…?” Cas wondered.  
  
“Probably your coat,” Sam answered.  
  
“Or the fact you have skin,” Dean added.  
  
_//But Frank Zappa and the Mothers were at the best place around//_  
_//But some stupid with a flare gun burned the place to the ground//_  
  
“I’m glad none of us actually vanished, but listen to some of this,” Sam said, reading some of the headlines from the newsfeed on his phone. “Entire works of art, some of the most admired works in western history such as the Statue of David and even the Mona Lisa have just become completely invisible. ‘Truth Coming Out Of Her Well’ Ironically Vanishes From Sight As Alien Agency Claims To Be Truthful About Intentions’, ‘Art Museums Around The World Appear As If Robbed’... this is crazy!”  
  
“Some assholes from outer space just came and treated Earth like it’s Catholic school and you’re concerned about some old paintings and statues?” Dean asked.  
  
_//Smoke on the water (and fire in the sky)//_  
_//Smoke on the water//_  
  
“Pie also disappeared, Dean,” Sam added with not a little annoyance.  
  
Dean sat up straighter at that, and it was clear he’d gotten the point.  
  
_//They burned down the gambling house... It died with an awful sound//_  
_//Funky Claude was running in and out, pulling kids off the ground//_  
  
“Jack wasn’t affected, and his jacket is the same color as my overcoat,” Cas pointed out. Jack looked down at his jacket and apologized.  
  
“Well. I know why _I_ wasn’t visible,” Rowena stated, taking a sip from her glass. “That doesn’t mean I like it, but I get why they did it.”  
  
_//When it was all over we had to find another place//_  
_//But Swiss time was running out… It seemed that we would lose the race//_  
  
Sam turned on a police scanner, and listening to the number of calls being made about disappearances and an apparent increase in invisible robberies at the same time as the radio was playing that song, set the atmosphere.  
  
_//Smoke on the water (and fire in the sky)//_  
_//Smoke on the water//_  
  
“So what do we do now?” he asked. Everyone say quietly for a moment, not really having any sort of answer. Clearly these things were unaware that disappearing people and making them unable to be interacted with were almost the same thing. And they had done everything impersonally from a distance, so until they were able to better track the broadcasts, they couldn’t really devise anything. This was something they’d have to put up with until they could figure out how to fight back. But as the sound of the guitar solo filled the room, they all knew the answer to Sam’s question, an answer which Cas gave voice to.  
  
“The same thing we do every time something like this happens,” he said in the sort of calm manner that underlined the importance of a situation.  
  
“Try to take over the world?” Dean cut in with a wry smile. It managed to give everyone a laugh. Cas forgot the rest of what he was going to say in favor of questioning Dean’s reply.  
  
“I don’t think ‘Pinky and the Brain’ is really an accurate reference to make here, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of for [spncoldesthits](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/180223640955/apparently-tumblr-is-keeping-all-posts-with-links)! It's late so it's not like a proper entry into the challenge, but I really wanted to write for this month's theme and the mods are super cool and let me post it to the collection. :D I wanted to write a fic based off the mess going on with Tumblr, and when I heard "Smoke On The Water" playing on the radio it reminded me of the various posts I see calling it a dumpster fire. (Or like that one gif of the guy with a pizza walking into a room engulfed in flames, but everything is pixelated.) I know it's not really written very well, but I had fun writing it, and I hope you guys have fun reading it!


End file.
